I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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