She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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