I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
