yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
