so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize