How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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