is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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