I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
