Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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