I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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