Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
