I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
