That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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