And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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