Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
