I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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