Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
