Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
