just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
