The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
