I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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