somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
