nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
