True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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