I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
