I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
