just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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