God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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