Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize