Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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