So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
