The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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