If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
