I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
