this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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