If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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