Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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