I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Im part way to drunk.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
