i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize