george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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