i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you traded sex for a burrito?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
