As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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