And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
