she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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