I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Is it penis luge time yet?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
