dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize
