I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
