Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
