Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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