So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
