dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
