don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
