Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
