I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize