It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
