i wish my penis had a tongue
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
