This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
