1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
