Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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