I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
