I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
