i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
