Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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