the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
