planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Drunk is not a location!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
