I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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