Buhtt sex?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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