i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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