i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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