I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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