I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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