Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
