I'm really into asian looking animals
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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