I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Terrible idea I love it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
