u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
