Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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