Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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