I love black thongs
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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