So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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