I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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