My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
