we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm really busy with my period
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