guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
