i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
